Rather than recount in detail my own sad tale of misery and woe from states yesterday, I’ll sum it up very quickly: I got mega dropped, managed to fall about a dozen times, and came the closest I think I ever have to getting off my bike and throwing it during a race. That, gentle readers, was just the first lap. So in the second lap, as I was out there pedaling, falling, and cursing all by my lonesome, I knew that the time had finally come for me to dig deeper than I ever had. I needed to finally tap into the Bike Snob NYC Cross My Heart Hope to Die Primer. Here’s how I did:
1. Know When And Where The Race Is
Okay I knew where the race was: check. Montrose Harbor. Yeah the place with all the snow and the sledding hill. I’d ridden by the hill countless times on summer rides but had never seen it looking like the Matterhorn. I got to the race an hour early even though I’d decided I would probably wouldn’t do a pre-ride. It was 10F, and I’m always reading about people showing up for races late and getting their rhythm on the first lap. I need to work more on this skill, because it wasn’t working out for for me so well yesterday.
2. Don’t Pre-Ride the Course
Fail. I tried to resist, but just couldn’t handle it. But instead of doing it properly, compromised with a single lap at slow speed which gave me all the cold with none of the picking lines and warming-up stuff. I also crashed hard and knocked the crap out of my knee. So the file tread tires that I thought might work out in snow? Yeah, not so much.
3. Do Not Have a Pit Bike
Check. This one I actually accomplished at home. I looked at the pit wheels on the way out and thought: “if I flat, I’ll bet I’ll be happy as hell.” From a post-race perspective, this was a prescient observation.
4. Get a Bad Starting Position
Kinda-check. Given that our field was whittled down to the fast dudes, there wasn’t really a bad position. I did opt out of the front row, and lined up behind the series leader Chris Lombardo and told him not to slow me down (heh heh heh). I made up for my less than bad start by popping out of the back of the group in near-record time.
5. Constantly Re-evaluate Your Goals
Checkamundo. Now we’re getting to where I excelled. Man I did so much goal reevaluation in this race, it was epic. I rolled into the parking lot with “huh, maybe today is the day for the top 50% finish” in my head and by the last lap I was composing this race report and thinking about what I was going to make for dinner. Along the way there was “catch up to the dude who hasn’t beat me in a month,” “try to stop falling” then “try to stop falling and also go faster than the kid pulling the sled over there” and “compose race report while the race is still underway” and finally “make some freakin awesome Brussels sprouts for dinner.” At one point, a Beverly Bikes rider tried to mess with my goal making by encouraging me jump on behind him after he passed me. Little did he know that I’d already re-evaluated my goals. And yes, none of you suckers who passed and/or lapped me can cook Brussels sprouts anywhere near as well as I can. Because I am indeed the Brussels Sprouts Master.
6. “Chunk” the Race
Oh yes, once again a big ol’ check. I had chunked this sucker up on the first lap. There was the “start/finish” chunk, which quickly led to the “overpass of death” chunk, then the “lose massive time hill” chunk. Sometime later there was the “deep snow, wow how many times can I freakin fall in a row” chunk, to be followed by my favorite of all: “the sandy impossible to find a line lakefront” chunk which contained the Spiral of Crank Strike Death and other fun attractions that traumatized me so much I have blocked them from my memory. I do know that I fell on some pavement here and nearly ran over a fallen Jim on the last lap. Since this was my favorite section, I found myself looking forward to it. This was kinda like looking forward to a root canal. Ah, cyclocross.
7. Ignore Your Surroundings
Surprisingly, check. At some point, I seriously remember thinking that if I closed my eyes on the straighter sections, I would stop fighting the snow and could more sorta go by feel. No, I am not kidding. And honestly, I am not sure that it caused me fall any more or go any slower (I’m pretty sure that wasn’t possible). I also managed to actively ignore the race numbers of the guys passing me from the next age group (which started minutes after we did). This allowed me to think of them as being in my race and to build the illusion that I’d blown everyone away at the start and was now tragically settling through the ranks. So I was staging my own private Alka-Seltzer performance.
8. Have Fun!
Check, of course. This is cyclocross, right?
So, I did pretty damn well if I do say so myself — 6.5 of 8 puts me in better standings than any previous race this year. And what did such careful attention to this masterful work of strategy net me? Well I left before the results were posted, but I’m pretty sure that after trying half-heartedly all season for it, I finally managed to score the lantern rouge! That’s right, a big ol’ DFL! It’s been a long hard season, and I’m glad to have ended it with such a notable performance.
So that’s it for the cross season 2008! I’ll save the season overview for another post (to be written when I can look at the photos from yesterday without a shudder), and our cx video should be up any day now. Just 10 months until Jackson Park!